Each year over 800,000 seniors in the United States lose a spouse. The loss of a loved one at any age is devastating. The connections we make in our lives, the people we allow in our hearts define who we are and what we value. No words can describe the impact a loved one has on our lives nor can words express the shock and fear and confusion upon losing that person who has become so entrenched in our lives and in our memories that we can not imagine a world without them.

Dealing with loss and grief is something that we all experience at some point. However, the older we get the more losses we experience. There is a cumulative effect to multiple losses. Many seniors have lost a spouse, close friends, parents, siblings, and perhaps even children. It is not surprising that 1 in 5 seniors suffer from depression according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Depression among many seniors stems from life events such as losing a loved one or partner. According to Rebecca Brooks, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with Networks and a Hospice Social Worker for the VNA, “losing a partner can be difficult due to all of the patterns that are disrupted.”

Many seniors were raised in an era where people did not show emotion or ask for help. However, Brooks explains “it helps to be able to share the burden of your grief. Seniors who can accept with grace the help their families and friends offer them are able to maintain good ties with their families…accepting help is a gift to their families and friends, understanding the helper receives as much as those asking for help.”

Grief is never an easy journey and no two people follow the same path. Some may break into tears easily and some may never cry. Some people may talk about their lost loved ones and others barely mention them. According to Brooks “there is no timeline for grief.” It can take months or even years for some people to be able to move forward in their lives. According to Brooks “we never lose the wonderful influence and memories of the person and we should never feel like we have to get rid of that.” However some people may feel like they can’t move on, that they are unable or uninterested in living their lives.

Many seniors become depressed dealing with loss. Some symptoms of depression include overwhelming sadness, frequent crying, changes in eating habits, changes in sleeping patterns, fatigue, lack of enjoyment toward activities that use to bring pleasure, trouble concentrating or even thoughts of suicide. If a senior becomes depressed or if they are having a hard time working through their grief they should talk to their family, friends and doctor to make sure they get the help they need. According to Brooks “seniors who are depressed often hold back from bring up the topic with their doctor.”

Brooks advises anyone who feels that they need help working through their grief or their depression to see a counselor. According to Brooks “counseling can help you see challenges in a new light and help you discover ways to change how you look at your grief.” In addition to counseling there are many support groups in the area, for more information about support groups call 1-800-642-5119. According to Brooks the “beauties of support groups is the mutual support that comes out of having a group of people sitting together that have something in common as precious to them as the loss of a loved one.”

So if you are struggling with grief or depression ask for help. It is the best gift you can give your loved ones.

• Listen to an interview with Rebecca Brooks from CVAA's Aging Matters Program -
  June 22, 2008 program - Dealing with Loss
• See a list of Bereavement Support groups in the Champlain Valley area from our Information Database

Sarah Lemnah writes on senior issues for the Champlain Valley Agency on Aging. This article originally appeared in the Burlington Free Press.