It is a gorgeous Wednesday morning in Shelburne and at first glance the gathering of women at the Arbors looks like a social event. Women are laughing and talking and there is good food and good company. However, as you start to listen and talk to these women you realize that the camaraderie they share comes from the fact that they each understand what it is like to walk in their shoes. These women are the caregivers to loved ones, mainly their husbands, who are battling Alzheimer’s and dementia. Each month they gather for this program called Caring Sharing which is part support group and part an educational forum to help them learn about the disease, about how to take care of themselves and even how to handle finances. Many of these women relied on their husbands to handle the finances and now they need to take that on.

According to Rachel Lee Cummings, owner of Armistead Caregiver Services, she approached The Arbors about hosting this support group to offer caregivers information and support. Each meeting there is a guest speaker offering information on a variety of topics and then the floor is open for sharing and caring. According to Cummings this support group helps caregivers know that “they are not the only one, they are not alone, they need support and need help.”

According to Kathi Monteith, Director of Community Relations for The Arbors when people “get diagnosed they are like a deer in headlights, it leaves them wondering what does the future hold for me.” According to Cummings the meetings “get very emotional, especially for the daughters who are just starting to understand what their mom’s are going through.” In between meetings there is support for participants online. But it is the peer to peer support that makes this group so important to these women who are dealing with an incredible amount of stress.

Judy Brown, of South Burlington, attends this support group to help her deal with her husband’s diagnosis. When he was first diagnosed Brown did not want to go to support groups because she thought she didn’t need it and as she said “I did not want to hear what was to come. People do not understand the day to day.” For Brown the educational component is as important as the support group giving her information about finances and how to take care of herself. A little known secret is that many caregivers die before their loved ones. Being a caregiver of an Alzheimer’s patient can take 4-8 years off the life of the caregiver according to the Alzheimer’s Association. The caregiving crisis will continue as the rate of diagnosis of Alzheimer’s is projected to rise dramatically. By 2020 it is projected there will be a million new diagnosis a year.

Brown decided to attend this group because she was feeling very alone. According to Brown this group has “made a difference, I look forward to coming.” However, it is difficult for her to see her husband struggle to do things he once did. According to Brown her husband, Pete, “is frustrated, depressed and tries to prove he can still do things.”

For Joyce Holly, of South Burlington, attending this group helps her deal with the loss of her husband and helps her try to come to peace with what she did as a caregiver. According to Holly “the need for support for caregivers is unbelievable, very important.” For Brown it is the support of her peers that makes the biggest difference. As Brown notes “I get more information and feel better talking with people going through it than from the professionals.”

Monteith tries to tell caregivers that they should not fell guilty about decisions they make on how to care for their spouse suffering from Alzheimer’s. As Monteith tells women that “you didn’t bargain for this when you got married 40 years ago.” According to Cummings caregiver become “overwhelmed, feel alone and are in grief.” Caring Sharing is a chance for caregivers to know there is help out there for them and that they are not alone on this path.

Caring Sharing at The Arbors in Shelburne
Third Wednesday of each month: 9:30-11:00am
Call 985-8600 for more information

Sarah Lemnah writes on senior issues for the Champlain Valley Agency on Aging. This article originally appeared in the Burlington Free Press.